Further Explanation of the Nurtured Heart Approach
The following is taken directly from a written summary of the approach, created by Anne Starr, a counselor at Western Middle School.
First Leg: Pursue the Positive by Praising Success
Recognize success no matter how small or insignificant. Remember that children could always be choosing to break rules. Any behavior that is not breaking a rule is praise-worthy. Upon that which you shower your energy, that behavior/quality will grow and multiply!
No longer take the approach of silence when children are 'finally doing what they should do anyways'. Instead, praise it, loud and proud! Point it out! Describe in detail the behaviors that are not break rules.
The best praise to give is praise that is linked to a child's character, such as:
"Look at you! Turning in your homework shows your dedication to your learning."
"When you treat others that way, your kind heart shines through!"
"I can tell that you are a mature learner... look at the way you pay attention. Looking at me. Quiet while I'm talking."
"Taking out the trash without being asked shows how thoughtful and responsible you are."
This type of praise is very different from the generic "good job" or "way to go." By pointing out the behavior and linking that behavior to a character quality in the child, you are empowering that child to see themselves as growing and maturing through their actions.
Shower and shine your energy on all that your child does that is not breaking a rule!
Second Leg: Be strict and Enforce the Limits
Rules are rules. No reminders should be given. No 'second chances' or warnings.
When a student breaks a rule, reset the student with no energy.
A reset is a calm, matter-of-fact command for the student to stop his/her behavior and take a moment to literally 'reset' back to appropriate behavior.
Welcome the child back as soon as possible and praise the child for resetting properly. Fully energize the welcome back. Make the 'in' time more energized than the 'out time.'
No lectures. Lectures are packed with attention and energy. Remember what you give your energy to will grow. Rarely, will any of us talk a student out of a bad behavior.
During resets, child may not interact with anyone. Reset time is an energy-lacking time.
Resets may last for just 2 second or up to a minute.
Third leg: Preventing Negative Leaks
This may be, by far, the most difficult part of the Nurtured Heart. Often, this is the area that requires the most growth in the adults.
Negative leaks can be: sarcasm, "evil eye"/rolling of the eyes, tone of voice, sighing, body language, and saying more than 'reset'.
For many of us, this is the biggest learning curve. Remember that your energy (positive or negative) will feed behaviors. Use it wisely.
Everything on this webpage has been taken directly from a written summary of the approach, created by Anne Starr, a counselor at Western Middle School.